Just Like Old Times
by jurawks
Summary: Neal Caffrey tries to deal after the plane explosion in Season 1. M for language.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Here's my take on what happened between the Season 1 finale and Season 2. I do not own White Collar or its characters. This is a non-profit, made-for-fun fanfiction because I'm bored.

-xxx-

They would find him any time now. He knew. The second hand on his wristwatch ticked incessantly, counting down to the moment that silver handcuffs would become his bracelets and a 6 by 8 his home for the next few...days? weeks? years? It didn't intimidate him now like it used to. Maybe that was because he'd spent 3 years and 7 months in a cell before he went all Prison Break. Oh yes, he remembered how long he'd been in there.

But why didn't he break out earlier? He frowned and downed another shot of scotch on the rocks. His frowned deepened. Tasted like water. He lifted his emptied glass to the bartender, "You have Crown Royal?"

"No mixers?" the bartender said.

"Nope."

The bartender shook his head, "Nah, pal. Why don't you head on home for the night?"

"Crown. Royal. Please."

The bartender shrugged, took the emptied glass and filled it up, sliding it across the bar to the dark-haired man who looked completely wasted.

"Where do you live?" the bartender said.

No answer.

The bartender tried again. "Got someone to get you home?" No reply. "I can call you a cab." No reply. "Bad day, huh?"

The empty glass slammed on the counter top. The dark-haired man with the shaky voice said, "You have no fucking idea."

"Caffrey!" Someone else shouted. Male.

The bartender looked up as a man in a suit flashed him an ID with a badge, gun in its shoulder holster. The bartender lifted both hands, "Nah man. I'm not Caffrey. I've got a license to work here. Ain't nobody in the back doin' shady business either. You can look."

"I'm not looking for you," the man in the suit said, turning to the wasted figure of Neal Caffrey. "I'm looking for him."

"Pee-uhhhr?" Slurred words. Didn't sound a bit like English.

"Yeah," Peter Burke said. "Let's get you home."

-xxx-

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

"Agent Burke," June said politely though with reasonable caution. And then, "Neal!"

"Yeah," Burke said, helping Caffrey into June's house. They made a racket going up the stairs, June prodding Burke on what the hell happened and Burke refusing to answer until Caffrey had "gone to sleep". So they helped Caffrey into bed, took off his shoes and let him mumble random words until he went completely silent.

June turned to Burke, "What the hell happened? Neal's never been this drunk. Neal's _never _drunk."

Burke let out a deep sigh. "It's a long story."

"Well, I've got time."

"Okay, maybe it's a short story." A pause. "Neal. He was going to leave."

"I know," June said. "I told him I didn't believe in goodbyes."

"Yeah? Well at least he had the decency to bid you goodbye," Burke snorted.

June's eyes changed. "He didn't say goodbye to you?"

Burke scoffed and dropped his head. "He said goodbye to my wife. But not to me."

"So..."

"So I went after him. He was going to catch a plane and...disappear. But I caught him first, told him that he was making the biggest mistake of his life. You know what he did, June? He returned the FBI badge I'd given him."

"He was serious!"

"I asked him why he'd said goodbye to everyone but me."

A long pause as June stared at Burke and Burke stared at the floor.

"Neal said..." Burke started, drawing another deep breath, "He said it was because I was the only one who could change his mind."

"Well, that's Neal for you. Painfully honest."

Burke nodded.

"So what's he doing here?" June asked, glancing at Caffrey, sprawled across the bed, head buried in a pillow.

"Kate was in that plane, June," Burke said, his voice going soft. "Neal was going to disappear. But then he turned back to me, wanted to say something. And then... The plane exploded."

"What?!" June gasped.

"Yeah. I got to him. He was okay. But the pain...the horror, June. I couldn't..."

"I know," June said softly, reaching out to hold his face, voice laced with emotion, "There was nothing you could've done."

"They found the body, June. Ran lab tests and everything. I made in high priority. It was Kate. She's gone."

They lapsed into silence, glancing at Neal every once in a while. But he never stirred. Burke dug his hands deep into his pocket, occasionally running a hand through his hair.

He finally broke the silence, "I have to head home. Elizabeth-"

"Yes, you should," June said. "I'll look after Neal."

"Thank you, June."

-xxx-

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Neal Caffrey's mind woke up. He knew it must be daytime because he could tell that the sun was shining even with his eyes closed. He sniffled and buried deeper into the covers, refusing to open his eyes. If he focused hard enough, he could see the pink of his eyelids. The pink turned to red. Fire red. And he remembered the heat and the flames and the screams. Not Kate's screams, no. His own.

He lay motionless, eyes still closed. He wanted to scream. But he balled his fists and bit his lip. No. Not like this. He could hear movement in his room. June. Or Mozzie. They were the only ones left. A lump grew in his throat. And grew, and grew, until he couldn't hold it in anymore, and he convulsed with tears.

"Neal?" June.

He buried his face in the pillow and screamed. Screamed until his throat was sore. June held him and let him cry. He let her hold him. He could use it now. He cried until his eyes hurt and the tears burned, until he softened into whimpers. June tried to coax him up to eat or drink. She'd even poured him wine. But he refused it. Refused everything. Not right now.

She understood. So she left the wine on the table and sat with him on the bed until the whimpers died down and he fell into a fitful sleep.

When he woke again, the tears were gone and his heart was numb. He moped around the room, trying to distract himself, but found no solace in anything. So he dropped into the chair on the balcony and stared into the horizon.

The world should've stopped. The sky shouldn't be so blue. The people on the streets shouldn't be so carefree. The trees should be razed. Every building burnt to ashes like nine-eleven all over again. Because he was so dead inside. He thought of jumping off the balcony. If he did it right, his head would split on the concrete, his neck would snap and he'd be home with Kate. Too dramatic. And he couldn't do this to June.

So he thought about buying pills, going back to the home he once shared with Kate, and downing the pills with wine before closing his eyes and going to eternal sleep. At least it was peaceful. Then he thought about Peter Burke and the FBI squad and how they'd discover him. He thought about how Burke would react, how he would go home in a daze and break the news to Elizabeth, how Elizabeth would cry herself to sleep. No, he had to do this somewhere safe.

There was a knock on the door and June let herself in. "Neal? There are-"

"Neal Caffrey?" came an unfamiliar voice. "You're under arrest."

"For what?" June snapped. "He's been here the whole time! I can prove his alibi."

"For trying to escape the country."

June opened her mouth to protest, but Neal's voice broke through the chaos, flat and cold, the way he never was. "It's okay, June. It's okay."

He got up, let the officers cuff him and let them take him to prison. Again. He didn't feel so much this time. He wasn't intimidated. He knew how it worked. Besides, it wasn't some maximum security prison where he was locked up with murderers and rapists, no. Minimum security. The type he could break out of in one try. Just like old times.

He would deal. He let them put him behind bars in a sparse cell with nothing but a crude bed, a basin and a bucket for a toilet. He lay down on the bed, barely registering the smells of prison and the cold, hard slab against his back. Orange jumpsuit. Just like old times.

But not really. Because this time, Kate was dead.

-xxx-

**END.** Because Season 2 happens. Thanks for reading!


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